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I am excited to share that I have recently achieved my ICF (International Coaching Federation) PCC (Professional Certified Coach) level certification. This is another milestone in my coaching journey.

In the unregulated coaching industry, certification plays a vital role in establishing credibility and demonstrating professionalism.

Obtaining a reputable certification, such as the ICF PCC, provides clients and organizations with the confidence that I have met rigorous standards and adhere to ethical guidelines.

The journey towards my PCC certification involved a comprehensive process that included 500+ hours of coaching, mentorship, submitting session recordings, and passing an exam. I am incredibly grateful for the guidance and support I received from my mentor, Diana Ideus. Her patience and expertise were invaluable in helping me navigate the certification requirements and grow as a coach. I also want to express my gratitude to the coaching clients who joined me on this journey. You know who you are! Your willingness to participate and trust in my coaching has contributed immensely to my development.

As an experienced professional, my clients often hire me as an executive coach to also benefit from my knowledge and insights. Sharing best practices and lessons learned has been an essential part of our coaching relationship and has proven to be highly effective in accelerating their growth.

Under the ICF coaching principles, sharing knowledge and expertise is frowned upon. As a result, I really contemplated whether to pursue the ICF PCC certification.

In both our personal and professional lives, there are moments when we find ourselves faced with decisions that we don’t fully agree with, sometimes it is our decisions, sometimes it is others. I made the decision to do the certification because organizations often use ICF credentials as an initial filter when selecting coaches.

Once the decision was made it was all about alignment.

It was helpful for me to acknowledge that alignment does not mean compromising my beliefs or relinquishing my personal values but rather recognizing and emphasizing the reasoning and perspective of the ICF for creating the guidelines and embracing a growth mindset to learn and grow from the journey.  

As part of the certification, I submitted recordings of coaching sessions using the ICF guidelines. I worked with clients where we agreed in advance to work under these guidelines.  My coaching mindset needed to shift for these sessions, and it wasn’t always easy. I am glad I embraced this journey. I have learnt from it, and have become a better coach.

I am proud to be part of a community of ICF certified coaches who strive to uphold the highest standards in the industry. I am excited to continue making a positive impact on the lives of my clients and contributing to the growth and success of the coaching profession.

Are you working on a new certification/program? Learning a new theory/methodology/framework?

What are you gaining from the journey, even if you may not fully agree with everything that is presented?

This past weekend, Mother’s Day, like many others, I found myself reflecting on the significance of my mother. For me, Saturday also happened to be the 8th anniversary of her passing.

As I reminisced about my mother, I recognized that her nature as a caring, warm, and loving person was accompanied by a tendency to be silly and playful. My mother also struggled with asserting herself when faced with disrespect. She let people walk all over her. I did not like this aspect of my mother and did not want to be like her.

What I realized this weekend is that subconsciously, I associated silliness with vulnerability and a lack of self-advocacy. Consequently, I convinced myself that being serious was the only way to garner respect.

Our upbringing plays a significant role in shaping our beliefs and self-image. As I pondered my mom’s memory, I found myself confronting this personal belief I had held onto for years. The equation I had created in my mind, connecting silliness with disrespect, had limited my ability to express myself fully.

As humans, our minds have a natural tendency to form associations and create patterns.

These mental equations help us navigate the world and make sense of our experiences. However, these equations can sometimes be flawed, limiting our perception and potential.

Recognizing the limitations imposed by false equations is a step towards personal growth. In my introspection, I realized that silliness and respect are not mutually exclusive. Being playful and lighthearted doesn’t diminish one’s worth or invite disrespect. It is entirely possible to be both silly and respected simultaneously. Embracing this newfound understanding, I am curious to see what being silly will look like for me.

We all have equations that we have unwittingly accepted as truth.

They may pertain to our appearance, abilities, or even our relationships. By challenging these false equations, we can uncover new possibilities and embrace our authentic selves. It is liberating to recognize that we are not bound by the limiting beliefs we have held onto for so long.

I invite you to take a moment and consider the equations you have created in your own mind.

What beliefs have you unknowingly adopted that may be holding you back?

Are there self-imposed limitations that prevent you from embracing your authentic self?

By exploring these questions, you can begin to dismantle false equations and open the door to new possibilities.

Many of my clients ask me what my secret is for having difficult conversations and providing tough feedback. Some leaders shy away from having the uncomfortable conversations, what they sometimes call THE REAL conversation. They beat around the bush, avoid the real issues, provide partial feedback, or avoid the conversation altogether.

Having difficult conversations is a crucial part of leadership.

Difficult conversations are never easy. It takes courage, empathy, and clarity to provide effective feedback that can help someone grow and develop or talk about underlying issues that are hurting the organization. But by avoiding these conversations, leaders may be doing more harm than good. Without honest feedback, team members may continue to make the same mistakes, miss out on opportunities for growth, or even damage their relationships with colleagues or clients. Without honest conversations, important issues get swept under the rug instead of being resolved in a timely manner.

As an executive coach, a part or my role is having these tough conversations with my clients. Whether it is in  gathering and sharing 360 feedback, pointing out behaviors or patterns I have noticed in our conversations, or identifying issues that require difficult conversations with others . Often I may be the one telling them what everyone else has been too scared to say.

My secret has been building trust and having clear intentions:

I am there to support my clients’ growth. Building trust is a critical foundation to providing tough feedback and having difficult conversations. You build trust by establishing open communication, active listening, and being transparent about your intentions. Then it is clear that the conversation is not about blame or shame, but rather about you believing in them, wanting their personal growth, or the best outcome for the situation.

“Remove judgment and add love, and you can say anything.”

Ron Carucci, in a workshop I attended last month, said it best when he stated, “Remove judgment and add love, and you can say anything.” This means removing personal judgments, assumptions, and biases while approaching the conversation with empathy, kindness, and a genuine desire to resolve an issue, or help the other person grow and develop. This approach creates an environment of trust and safety that allows for a meaningful dialogue where both sides feel supported rather than criticized.

Have you been avoiding having difficult conversations?

Has that been doing you and your organization more harm than good?

Take the time to reflect on what has been holding you back from having these conversations and how you can create a safe and supportive environment for having difficult conversations.

Have the courage to have THE REAL conversation.

Do you set yourself very high goals and expect nothing less than perfection? Are you constantly striving for excellence and attention to every detail? If so, you may be a perfectionist.

While some aspects of perfectionism can be a positive – setting high standards, motivating you to work hard and take pride in your work- it can also be debilitating, causing you to obsess over small details and mistakes, and holding yourself to impossibly high standards. Perfectionist leaders often struggle with delegation and trust, which can lead to inefficiency and a lack of collaboration.

Take the time to reflect on how your perfectionism may be impacting your leadership.

Do you feel the need to control every aspect of each project, even if it means micromanaging your team? Are your team members frustrated, demotivated, feeling that their skills and expertise are not being valued? Has anyone told you that your standards are too high? 

Do you feel like you are never good enough? Burnt out?

As a leader, your perfectionism may be hurting you and your team.

Try these steps to be less of a perfectionist:

1.     Set realistic goals: try setting goals that are challenging but achievable. This approach can help you stay motivated while also reducing the pressure you put on yourself and others.

2.     Embrace failure: Perfectionists often struggle with failure, but it’s an inevitable part of life. Instead of avoiding failure, try embracing it as an opportunity to learn and grow. This mindset can help you become more resilient and better able to handle setbacks.

3.     Delegate: Try delegating responsibilities to others on your team and trust them to do the job well. This approach can help you build a more collaborative and effective team.

4.     Practice self-care: Perfectionists can be prone to burnout because they’re always pushing themselves to the limit. It’s essential to take care of yourself by getting enough rest, exercise, and downtime. 

How is your perfectionism affecting you? How is it impacting your team?

What steps have you taken to manage your perfectionism and to become a better leader?

It is hard for me to believe that it has been 30 years! It feels a bit old to think and say that I have been married for this long… It is an accomplishment worth celebrating!

Marriage is not easy. It requires work and dedication. It has ups and it has downs.

In our case, we are both strong, opinionated people and have had our good share of disagreements. We have our differences and we have a lot in common. We have our history together and a deep shared love.

Relationships are different. I attribute our success to:

Care and support. We have supported each other through the ups and all the challenges life threw our way, and there were plenty.

We have shared values. Our core beliefs and values about relationships, family, life, the world, are similar. We both want the same things out of life .

Equality and mutual respect. We are equals in the relationship. We treat each other with respect and we challenge each other.

We have fun together. Doing simple things, watching a movie, hiking with the dogs, spending time with friends and exploring and traveling.

We both have an adventurous spirit, with each at times initiating and exciting the other to embrace life. Just in the last few years, we climbed Kilimanjaro together and we traveled around the US in an RV for 3 months.

We compromise. On big and small stuff. Just now, to celebrate our wedding anniversary we went to northern Norway and Portugal. I wanted to see the Aurora Borealis, he wanted sun. So we did both.

Focusing on the positive. We always have a choice. We can dwell on the negative, and the downs or we can embrace the positives. We work to each of our strengths, and accept what we may consider each other’s weaknesses. Even when they sometimes drive us crazy…

After 30+ years together we appreciate what we have. Each other. The 2 kids we have raised together. The life we built. The love for one another.

What have been the secrets to your successful relationships?

In the photo it is us dogsledding in Norway.

I love what I do, helping executives become the leaders they aspire to be. I work with successful executives to help them enhance their leadership skills. Frequently, our focus is on achieving a desired behavioral change. Examples of leadership goals that we address include building trust, delegating more effectively, listening, developing executive presence, addressing conflict, and collaborating more effectively.
In February, I became certified in Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Coaching®. The Stakeholder Centered Coaching Methodology, is designed to create lasting behavioral change, and as the name suggests, places the leader’s (coachee’s) stakeholders at the center. These individuals are the ones who interact with the leader regularly, and they are the ones who will benefit most from the leader’s behavioral change.

The active involvement of the stakeholders:

·     Creates an ongoing feedback loop for learning what is and is not working, as well as a way of measuring progress and results.
·     Consistent check-ins help change people’s perceptions of the leader regarding the specific behavior.
·     The process changes the relationships between the leader and the stakeholders, improving communication and building trust.
·     The leader demonstrating humility, courage, and discipline in their commitment to improve often changes the organizational culture, creating an environment that supports growth.

I am excited to incorporate all the skills I have acquired into my executive coaching practice.

Special thanks to Frank Wagner for sharing his wisdom and expertise and delivering a powerful, engaging, transformative experience (yes, it was all of that!). Brandon James Mergard – Marshall Goldsmith Coaching, and Julien Masson, Marshall Goldsmith thank you for pulling this all together and creating this opportunity for us!

Thank you to the Forefront and Marshall Goldsmith’s 100 Coaches communities, it was a real treat to practice the skills together, learn and challenge each other.

How do you make a decision? Reach a conclusion? Take action?
People usually:

• Look at the available data
• Select information to focus on
• Make assumptions based on the data and their past experiences
• Draw conclusions
• Take action

As a coach, working with clients, we often examine this process to explore other possibilities.
We challenge every part of the process.
Join me. Is there an action or decision you would like to re-evaluate?

Let’s start with the facts.

Are you looking at all the facts? Only a subset of the data? Hearsay – what your colleague/neighbor told you? Where did you get your information?
Check if you really have all the facts. Sometimes you do not have access to all the facts, then it is important to acknowledge that the decisions are based on partial information.

Now, what part of this information, the data, have you selected to focus on?

The negative? The positive? Just a small part of it? People selectively choose what to pay attention to while ignoring other perceivable information. The famous Gorilla Experiment, where subjects were asked to watch a short video of two groups of people (wearing black and white T-shirts) passing a basketball around, demonstrates this point well. The subjects were told to count the passes made by one of the teams. In the video a person walks through the scene wearing a full gorilla suit. After watching the video, the subjects are asked whether they noticed anything out of the ordinary taking place. In most groups, 50% of the subjects did not report seeing the gorilla. When people concentrate, and look for one thing, they often do not see other things.
Have you ever talked about a shared past experience and noticed that you and others who were there remember different details from it?
Look back at the facts. Could someone see them differently? What else can you consider?

On the information you collected you make assumptions.

These assumptions are based on past experiences and previous knowledge. People may wrongly assume that a woman of a certain age is a mother; that the guy in the room is the manager; that you must have certain experience to qualify for a certain role; that others have verified the information they are presenting, etc. Ask yourself, have you verified your assumptions? Is this the only way to look at and interpret the data?

What conclusions are you drawing?

Your conclusions lead to actions. Imagine other people you know. What conclusions would they reach? Try and think of other possibilities.
Now that you have reassessed the data you are looking at, and the assumptions you’ve made, are there other conclusions you could reach? Other actions you could take? What plans could you make?

Try this process when you are feeling stuck or would like to change your actions.

Have you noticed that peoples’ energy is contagious?

The big sigh your colleague took at the beginning of the meeting, the frowns, the focus on all that can go wrong, how did it make you feel? And what about your other colleague’s smile, and solution focused mindset?

When you are around people who are positive, confident, and enthusiastic, they can inspire similar feelings in others, while those who are negative, stressed, or unengaged can bring others down.

What energy are you brining into interactions?

This phenomenon is often referred to as “emotional contagion” or “mood contagion.” Studies have shown that emotional states can be contagious in both face-to-face interactions and through digital communication. People detect emotional cues, such as facial expressions, vocal tones, and body language, which can activate similar responses in them.

Pause.

Be aware of your energy.

Pay attention to the energy of the people around you and its effect on others in the room.

Talk about it with your team. Help them all be aware of the energy they bring into interactions.

It does not mean that you should always be all smiles and happy,  and superficially demonstrate false positivity. You can be more intentional though in how you show up.

This weekend I ran a 5k race in my hometown, a fundraiser for cancer. I am not a fast runner, I enjoy the energy of the races and happy to help raise money for a good cause.

I listen to music while I run. It is usually quite meditative and I don’t even really hear the words, it is more the rhythm that matters and keeps me moving. I have a Spotify running collection that Spotify built for my running pace. I play it to shuffle randomly.

The second to last song on my run happened to be:

Working in the Coal Mine, with the chorus: “I’m so tired how long can this go on.”

I heard the words for the first time. My first reaction was: Yes I am tired, how much longer? As someone who only started running in the last few years, this would usually be true.  But then I paused for a second and checked in with myself. I am actually OK. I can push myself a little harder.

Then in the last push to the end, this last song came up:

Harder to Breathe, with the chorus: ”Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.”

Again, I first sympathized with the words, then checked in and thought I am OK.

I then had a good laugh at the coincidence of those 2 songs playing at the end of the race.

The words did impact me though. My immediate reaction was I am tiered, it’s hard to breathe. Not quite words of encouragement.

What if I had listened to “I am so excited” or “I am on fire”?

Words matter, the words we tell ourselves, our self-talk, the words that others say to us, how we perceive ourselves and how we believe others perceive us.

When I started running I told myself I am not a runner, because I was not like my husband and his friends, the serious runners. But if I was not a runner why would I want to go running? When I told myself that I am a runner, I did get out to run more often.

This little coincidence of background music also reminded me of some examples that James Clear provides and research that Carol Dweck mentions.

James Clear in the book Atomic Habits, to emphasize the importance of language, gives this example: 2 people who have quit smoking are offered a cigarette. One responds: “I don’t smoke” the other: “I am trying to quit”. They have both quit smoking but it is very clear who is more likely to stick with it.

Carol Dweck shares research that demonstrates that white men perform worse than black men on athletic tasks when they are told that performance is based on natural ability. Asian women perform better on math tests when they are reminded of their Asian identity rather than of their female identity. Just a few words mentioned to the people before completing a task impacted their performance.

There is so much that we can do to positively and negatively influence our mindset, our actions, our performance.

Are you paying attention to:

What you are telling yourself?

What and who you are listening to?

What you are telling others?

Friday morning, a week ago, we learnt that a pipe burst at our lake cabin in Maine. Water was pouring out of the second floor bathroom flooding the whole downstairs. This had probably been going on for days. You can see what it looked like in the image.

Needless to say this was not a nice surprise.

Immediately, we went into action mode. Had the water turned off, called a plumber, water damage mitigation company, our insurance…

I was calm. Surprisingly calm and positive. Friends, family, all seemed much more phased by it than me. My positivity also surprised me.

This was a nice surprise.

I paused to pay attention to my internal dialogue. I was thinking that:

What is done is done and can’t be changed.

I was evaluating what is and isn’t under my control.

I knew I had a choice.

I confess that just a few years back my attitude would have likely been very different. This would have been a disaster.

I chose to focus on what I can be grateful for.

No one is hurt.

It is stuff.

We have insurance.

It is our vacation house, not our main house.

I imagined what the house would look like afterwards, post renovations.

In my coaching I help people see that they have a choice in how they respond to situations. We think of the opportunities a challenge could bring.

I am proud to report that I was able to implement these same strategies on myself too :).