Category: Uncategorized

Last week I presented a workshop on The Gift of Feedback at Mirakl, a Boston start up.

As part of our discussion, we talked about feedback often being a request to change and that how we deal with change often depends on whether we have a growth or fixed mindset. We talked about how to build a growth mindset, as individuals and as an organization.

When we have a growth mindset we see failing as a part of life, it is as an opportunity to grow. We embrace challenges to change and it is about growing and learning from everything we do, and believing that we can do anything we set our mind to. We enjoy the journey not just reaching the destination.

When we have a fixed mindset we see failure as the limit of our abilities. We don’t like change and to be challenged. We are either good at something or we are not. Our capabilities are fixed.

I shared with the group how I had a fixed mindset when it came to fitness. We can have a growth mindset in some aspects of our lives and a fixed mindset in others.

Take a moment to think honestly. In what areas do you have a fixed mindset?

I told the group about how at the age of 50 I decided that I wanted to get fit. Exercise was never part of my life. At different points I tried different things but never stuck with anything. I always felt that I was no good at it and that I never could be.

But I reached a point where I wanted to make a change. I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to live healthier.

I had to develop a growth mindset. Make the shift to believe that:

My fitness capabilities are NOT predetermined.

Effort and attitude will determine my ability.

I need to keep on practicing to get better.

I set myself a very high goal of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. It helped me to have a specific goal. I made the training a priority. I put it on my schedule.

I started in small steps, walking, then hiking more and more on a regular basis. Even when I didn’t get out as much as I planned on some weeks, or hike as fast as I wanted on others, I kept on going.

I made it to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro with a lot of can-do attitude and determination. I then decided to start running. Again, I had to take small steps. I downloaded the app ‘Couch to 10K’. At first I could only run a few hundred yards. Now, I am fitter than I have ever been, and I regularly run 3-6 miles multiple times a week.

When we nurture a growth mindset we embrace challenges and it is our effort and attitude that determine our abilities.

So what was that area where you have a fixed mindset?

What small steps are you going to take to make a change and move yourself from a fixed to a growth mindset?

You can do it!

I love connecting with people, learning about their journey in life, their successes, the struggles they overcame, their story. It fascinates and inspires me.

I am lucky that this is part of what I do every day in my conversations with people as an executive coach.

Sometimes this connection is at a completely different level, and a different form.

This week I deepened, my very one sided relationship :), with Leonard Cohen. I love his music. It touches my soul. Though I have enjoyed listening to it for decades, I did not know much about him.  I thoroughly enjoyed watching the new Leonard Cohen documentary Hallelujah: Leonard Cohen, a Journey, a Song, on Netflix. The music, as expected, was incredible, his story, inspirational!

Did you know that:

• He arrived in NYC at the age of 32 and was told that he is too old to start a music career.
• He ran off the stage at his first performance.
• Colombia records declined to release the Hallelujah record (Various Positions), in the US. They did not think it was good enough.
• He struggled with depression and drinking.
• In his 70’s, after his assistant embezzled all of his money, he went back on tour, and released multiple gold and platinum albums.

He persevered!

The image is a photo I took of the Leonard Cohen mural in Montreal. Every time I visit Montreal I have to see it. “I go to visit Leonard”. I stop for a moment. I breathe it in. I can’t fully explain the positive impact it has on me, but it does.

With the deeper connection with Leonard, I expect that the next time I visit him, the experience will be even more meaningful.

What has a positive influence on you? What fascinates and inspires you?

Are you making time to take it in?

Imposter syndrome, that feeling that you are a fake, not good enough, not meant to be there, whatever that there is. This feeling is often enhanced during transitions such as starting a new role or taking on new responsibilities. You think that others don’t know who you really are, that they are overestimating your abilities, and that it is only luck, not your capabilities that got you there.
Though women talk more about experiencing imposter syndrome men feel it just as much, they often, as with other feelings, keep them to themselves.
These feelings of inadequacy affect your confidence and can directly impact your performance.

When have you felt this discomfort, the feeling that you are not good enough?

Though people often think that everyone else knows what they are doing, and that they are the only ones experiencing these feelings of not being good enough, actually most people have felt inadequate at some point in their life. Successful people, who challenge themselves, often feel like an imposter when taking on a new challenge. The only difference between them and others is how they handle the feelings of not being good enough.

Here are some tips that can help in overcoming imposter syndrome:

• Recognize and acknowledge your imposter feelings: By acknowledging your feelings, you can start to address and work through them.
• Regularly list your accomplishments to remind yourself of what you have done and what you can do. This will help you focus on the facts and assess your skills and accomplishments.
• Identify your strengths. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses leverage your strengths.
• Don’t compare yourself to others: Comparing yourself to others can fuel imposter syndrome. Remember that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and that it’s okay to not be perfect.
• Change your self-talk: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Instead of telling yourself that you’re not good enough, remind yourself that you are capable and deserving of success.

Other resources you may find useful:

• Watch the IamBackatWork webinar: Successful(ish) and Overcoming Impostor Syndrome with Sarah Michelle to learn how to effectively talk back to the voices in your head, telling you that you are not good enough.
• Watch: Amy Cuddy’s talk about Fake it till you make it.

Remember that imposter syndrome is common, and many successful people experience it. By recognizing your feelings, focusing on your strengths, and changing your self talk, you can overcome imposter syndrome and achieve your goals.

And by the way, both spelling imposter or impostor are correct.

Listening is one of the most underutilized leadership skills.

Active listening is a communication skill that involves giving your full attention, no checking your email, phone or messages on your watch. You are also not just listening to respond, you listen to understand, and retain the message being conveyed by the speaker. It also means not interrupting the speaker. Are you listening?

When you are talking you are not listening.

Listening to others helps improve communication, build consensus, and can help resolve conflicts. Good listening skills also foster trust, cooperation, and teamwork, making it an essential aspect of personal and professional life.

When you listen actively, you pick up verbal and non-verbal cues, you can gain a deeper insight into the thoughts and feelings of others, and respond in a way that is supportive and appropriate.

Are you utilizing this important leadership skill?

Here are 10 tips to help you become a better listener:

1. Pay attention to how much you speak. Over the next few days track how much time you actually talk in meetings.
2. Seek feedback: Ask people if you should be speaking more/less? Do you need to do a better job listening?
3. Do not interrupt the person speaking. Take a deep breath, pause. Write down the points you want to mention. Let them finish speaking.
4. Be present. Are you checking your phone, email, or thinking of something else? Pause to note how present you are and listening actively. Take a break or reschedule the meeting if you are not able to be fully present.
5. Look for both verbal and non-verbal cues. What is their body language telling you? Their tone of voice?
6. Instead of talking ask questions. Ask open-ended questions. Asking questions promotes active listening. It also shows interest and respect for the person you are communicating with, and can lead to deeper and more meaningful conversations.
7. Don’t listen to respond, listen to understand. Don’t jump to conclusions or practice your response in your head. Just listen. When they are done talking you can pause for a moment to get your thoughts together and then respond.
8. People want to feel heard: Repeat back to the speaker what you heard, rephrasing it and summarizing their main points. Not only will they feel heard, you will also ensure that you understood each other and have an opportunity to clarify any points that were misunderstood.
9. Reflect. Reflect on why you are not present and/or talk too much. Understand what triggers you and what you can do instead. This can help you understand your own motivations and come up with strategies to change your behavior.
10. Find an accountability partner. An accountability partner can help you stay focused and achieve your goals, provide feedback, and hold you responsible for your actions.

Do you want to unleash your leadership potential? What next step will you take to become a better listener?

This spring I set myself a goal to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, the top of Africa. I have wanted to get fitter and I knew that setting myself a goal will keep me motivated and get me out to exercise on a regular basis.

I set myself a very high goal

I realized that I didn’t just want to get fit, but I needed a sense of achievement.  I needed to feel that I can do things, big things, anything…

I went on long walks 3 times a week, made sure to hit the hills in our town. 3-6 miles each time during the week, 10 miles on the weekend. I walked in the rain, which I would never do otherwise. I made walking a priority and made time for it in my schedule.

Climbing up Kilimanjaro

I got fitter, but really not physically fit enough for the demanding climb up Kilimanjaro.

Our hike was 8 days long. By end of day 3 I was exhausted, my muscles were sore, but I was determined, I was REALLY determined.

Each day we slowly climbed higher and higher on the mountain. With the elevation, the air got thinner and our breaths shorter.

Day 4, the huge blisters on my feet have gained me new respect from our guides.

Day 6, we climbed to base camp, 4680 meters/15,239 feet. Had a rest in the afternoon and at 11:30pm we started our climb to the summit 5895 meters/19,341 feet.  It was dark outside; we used our headlights to guide us on our path and also enjoyed the light from the full moon. It was cold, very cold, even by Boston standards. I was wearing 6 layers on top, and 4 on bottom (including 2 down jackets and snow pants). We were lucky, and it was not a windy day. As long as we kept moving it was ok.

As we were climbing, the path was steep and icy. I would look at it and think “Oh my God, how am I going to come down this?”

Focus on the big goal

I very quickly realized that if I wanted to get to the top I could not think about the way down. I had to focus on the summit only.

Every time a thought about the down sneaked in, I would dismiss it and say to myself: ”You are going to make it to the summit”.

A third of the way up, it is the middle of the night, and I am already extremely tired and physically exhausted. We stopped for a snack and hot tea, and it was hard to continue.

Adrenaline must have kept me going.

We reached the summit just before 8:00am. It was cold and to avoid altitude sickness kicking in, we only spent a few minutes at the top. Stopping for a long rest is not an option. Once you stop, you get cold quickly and feel how tiered you really are.

I struggled getting down. I had no energy left in me. On the steep parts I held on to our guide for support. We got back to base camp at 1:30pm. We had been going for 14 hours straight at this point. The problem was, this was not it for the day. We had to move out of base camp to lower altitude. With nothing left in me I went to lie down. I could not sleep. I felt that I just had to get this over and done with. I spent the last 3 miles of the day’s descent holding on to my husband and son. I was so exhausted I was sick the whole way down. When we got to our camp for the night, at 6:30pm, after more than 18 hours of hiking, I crashed in our tent and did not come out till the next morning.

I was re-energized after my sleep, and able to hike out the remaining 13.5 km/8.3miles. The fact that I was soon to have a much needed shower was definitely helpful. In the hard parts I was chanting to myself, and sometimes out loud, “shower, shower”.

I have renewed confidence in my ability to do what I set my mind to

I am very proud of myself.

My husband has declared renewed respect for my determination.

I now feel I can do anything I set my mind to.

The effect is continuing.

Since returning I have decided to start running. I am now training for a 10K (and I am no runner). I am running 3 times a week. When it gets hard I tell my self:

I can do this!

I have done way worse!

It is only 30 min, not 18 hours….

I reached for the sky, the top of Africa. I am going to continue reaching high to new skies.

Set yourself high goals. Not only will you reach those, but you will also feel re-energized to do more!

Thank you to my husband, Bart, and son, Arden, for joining me on this adventure, and enduring the trek at my slow pace.

Thank you to Top Climbers Expedition for an amazing crew that supported us throughout the trek.