For the past month, my home has been constantly full of guests. Wonderful, but with almost no breaks. While continuing to work, I started to feel like my summer was slipping away. As much as I loved having people here, the overwhelm began to set in.
Overwhelm has a way of making us feel like our circumstances are dictating our choices. It becomes harder to see the options available to us and easier to slip into reaction mode. What I did next helped me reset and reclaim my agency. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, whether at home or at work, these three steps might help you too.
1. Pause and look at the facts.
The story I was telling myself was, I’m going to be hosting all summer.
When I actually looked at the calendar, I realized it wasn’t the whole summer. It was five weeks. That’s not insignificant, but it also meant I still had plenty of summer left to enjoy in other ways.
Our minds are remarkably good at turning a difficult moment into a permanent reality. Looking at the facts helps separate what’s actually true from the story we’re telling ourselves.
I see this with coaching clients all the time:
“I’m working every weekend.”
“I’m spending all my time supporting one struggling employee.”
“I’m traveling every week.”
When we stop and look at the calendar, the workload, or the data, the picture is often more balanced than it first feels. The situation may still be challenging, but it becomes easier to respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally.
2. Get clear on what you need.
Next, I asked myself what I needed to be both a good host and take care of myself.
What did I need to get my work done? When did I need downtime? What would allow me to enjoy having people here instead of quietly building resentment?
Once I was clear on my own needs, it became much easier to define my boundaries.
The same is true at work. Before you can support everyone else, you need clarity on what you need to do your best work. How much time can you realistically devote to one employee? How much travel is sustainable? Which priorities truly deserve your attention?
You can’t set healthy boundaries until you’ve first identified what you’re protecting.
3. Put your boundaries into practice.
With that clarity, I could communicate expectations and make decisions that aligned with my values.
When friends wanted to come visit us at our lake house in Maine during one of the few weekends I had to myself, I said no. Not because I didn’t want to see them, but because I knew I needed that weekend to recharge.
The decision wasn’t driven by guilt or resentment. It was driven by clarity.
That’s what healthy boundaries do. They make it easier to say both yes and no because your decisions are guided by what matters most to you, not by how overwhelmed you feel in the moment.
The next time you feel overwhelmed, resist the urge to push through.
Pause.
Look at the facts.
Get clear on what you need.
Then communicate your expectations and boundaries.
This process won’t eliminate the challenges you’re facing. What it does is help you respond with greater intention, make choices that align with your values, and recognize that you have more options than you first thought. That is agency.
What’s one situation that’s feeling overwhelming right now? If you paused to check the facts and got clear on what you need, what choice would become clearer? What’s one action you could take?
