Many of my clients ask me what my secret is for having difficult conversations and providing tough feedback. Some leaders shy away from having the uncomfortable conversations, what they sometimes call THE REAL conversation. They beat around the bush, avoid the real issues, provide partial feedback, or avoid the conversation altogether.
Having difficult conversations is a crucial part of leadership.
Difficult conversations are never easy. It takes courage, empathy, and clarity to provide effective feedback that can help someone grow and develop or talk about underlying issues that are hurting the organization. But by avoiding these conversations, leaders may be doing more harm than good. Without honest feedback, team members may continue to make the same mistakes, miss out on opportunities for growth, or even damage their relationships with colleagues or clients. Without honest conversations, important issues get swept under the rug instead of being resolved in a timely manner.
As an executive coach, a part or my role is having these tough conversations with my clients. Whether it is in gathering and sharing 360 feedback, pointing out behaviors or patterns I have noticed in our conversations, or identifying issues that require difficult conversations with others . Often I may be the one telling them what everyone else has been too scared to say.
My secret has been building trust and having clear intentions:
I am there to support my clients’ growth. Building trust is a critical foundation to providing tough feedback and having difficult conversations. You build trust by establishing open communication, active listening, and being transparent about your intentions. Then it is clear that the conversation is not about blame or shame, but rather about you believing in them, wanting their personal growth, or the best outcome for the situation.
“Remove judgment and add love, and you can say anything.”
Ron Carucci, in a workshop I attended last month, said it best when he stated, “Remove judgment and add love, and you can say anything.” This means removing personal judgments, assumptions, and biases while approaching the conversation with empathy, kindness, and a genuine desire to resolve an issue, or help the other person grow and develop. This approach creates an environment of trust and safety that allows for a meaningful dialogue where both sides feel supported rather than criticized.
Have you been avoiding having difficult conversations?
Has that been doing you and your organization more harm than good?
Take the time to reflect on what has been holding you back from having these conversations and how you can create a safe and supportive environment for having difficult conversations.