Have you ever been in a meeting where things just… stalled?
Where ideas were floating, but nothing was really moving forward?
That’s where Tracy often found herself. And in those moments, she’d step in with what she thought was clarity and direction—saying things like, “You’re not communicating clearly, and we’re not moving forward.” She believed she was helping the team break through a logjam.
But through 360 interviews and time spent observing her meetings, a different picture emerged. Although Tracy saw herself as a strong communicator—someone who helped teams navigate hard conversations—her impact didn’t align with her intent. Instead of sounding collaborative or solution-oriented, her words often came across as sharp, almost accusatory. Rather than inviting dialogue, they shut it down.
Unintentionally, she was signaling blame. What she meant as a rallying cry—“You’re not helping us reach a resolution”—often landed as finger-pointing. Even when she avoided saying “you” and used phrases like “We’re not reaching a resolution,” her tone still didn’t feel like “we.” It came across as distancing, not collaborative.
She knew the right behaviors in theory—but wasn’t embodying them in practice.
Tracy took the feedback seriously. At first, it stung—especially since she genuinely believed she was helping. But once she recognized the gap between her intention and her impact, she got curious. That curiosity became her superpower.
Using this curiosity, we started working on the shift. What does it actually look and sound like to lead with clarity and connection—not just intention? How do you show up in a way that invites people in, instead of pushing them away?
We began by focusing on small shifts. Instead of jumping in with, “You’re not communicating clearly,” she tried questions like, “What feels unclear right now?” or “What might help us move forward together?” The difference in tone and framing was subtle—but powerful.
She also practiced staying present in moments of frustration: pausing before reacting, noticing her tone, and asking herself, “How do I want people to feel after this conversation?” That one question alone started to change everything.
Over time, Tracy’s meetings began to feel different. The energy shifted. People leaned in more. Disagreements didn’t feel like dead ends—they became openings for real dialogue. And Tracy? She became the communicator she had always believed herself to be.
It’s easy to believe we’re showing up one way—collaborative, clear, constructive—when our tone or timing is sending a totally different message.
That space between intention and impact? It’s a powerful place to pause, reflect, and grow.
The best leaders don’t just know the right things to say—they practice how they say them, and more importantly, they embody the behaviors they expect from others. They stay open to feedback, especially when their impact doesn’t match their intent.
What gap might exist between your intention and your impact—and what would it take to close it?
This kind of reflection sits at the heart of Evaluate—the fourth step in the CORE framework I use with clients to build self-awareness and leadership effectiveness. It’s about identifying blind spots and recognizing where your well-meaning efforts may be missing the mark. Real leadership growth happens when you’re willing to ask, What do I need to see that I might be missing?