We’ve all heard the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. While this principle is well-intentioned and a helpful starting point, effective leadership requires more. It calls for a deeper understanding of individual needs and preferences.
Strong leadership means going beyond your own perspective.
The platinum rule—treat others the way they want to be treated—requires curiosity, empathy, and adaptability. It asks us to listen carefully and adjust how we lead based on what motivates each person.
The first step is self-awareness.
Understanding your own preferences helps you take better care of yourself. When you’re clear on what you need to feel motivated, supported, or appreciated, you can be more intentional about meeting those needs. This kind of self-awareness is essential for preventing burnout and staying grounded in your role as a leader. It allows you to model healthy boundaries and create space for others to do the same.
Your self-awareness can also help you recognize that others may need something different. Some people value recognition, others crave autonomy, flexibility, or growth opportunities. There is no single best way to support or motivate everyone.
Personally, I tend to express appreciation through physical gestures like a hug or a pat on the back. But not everyone is comfortable with touch, and what feels warm to one person might feel uncomfortable—or even inappropriate—to someone else.
The same applies to feedback. You may value directness, but someone else may need a softer approach to absorb and reflect on what’s being said.
The platinum rule reminds us to take the time to get to know the people around us.
When we understand how others prefer to be treated, we build stronger communication and deeper relationships. In turn, we create a more engaged, motivated, and connected team.
When have you experienced a moment where the golden rule fell short—either in how you treated someone, or in how someone treated you?
